Hi! I’m Rachel, welcome to my blog!
I am a married mother of two small children from Essex in the UK. My husband and children are my heart, soul and my world. But that’s not to say that life is always easy or that motherhood is always a bed of roses. Let’s face it, even roses have thorns, if you think about it. Sleeping on a bed of roses would be uncomfortable and downright painful, wouldn’t it? And frustrating! Just as you got comfortable and started to slip into a lovely sleep you’d be rudely awoken! Hmmm…. Sound familiar? So actually, on reflection, perhaps parenting small children actually IS like a bed of roses!
Anyway, I digress. I’m prone to that.
I’ve been in so many situations over the past three and a half years that have caused me to feel inferior and inadequate as a parent. Well, actually, if I think about it, the situations themselves haven’t caused me to feel like that. Not even the mothers whose boastful, passive aggressive or even mean comments have caused me to feel bad. My reaction to their words has caused me to feel bad.
What I’m saying, and believe me when I say this is a massive work in progress for me, is that I can’t control the thoughtless or even rude comments that other people make. But I can work on controlling my reactions to them.
I am beginning to understand that most of what people say is not about me (or you), but is about themselves, reflecting their inner struggles on others. For example,the woman making thinly veiled judgements about your decision to bottle feed your baby, may actually be utterly exhausted from all of her night feeds, desperate for a break, dearly wishing that someone, anyone else could give her baby a feed so that she can get some rest. She may well be envious of you and your formula. But instead she makes a comment. You already feel guilty about being unable to breastfeed your baby. A snowball effect continues and your self-doubt spirals downwards, out of control.
Of course, this situation could have been completely avoided. As mums, it is not our place to judge one another, be it on feeding, weaning, potty training, sleep training techniques or any other of the plethora of parenting minefields out there. If we stick together, support one another, share our disaster stories as well as our joyful ones, no-one needs to feel lacking as a parent.
This is why I have called my blog Mummy Kindness. I really think we need to be kinder, not only to others but to ourselves. Remember that everyone is fighting their own battle, and sometimes it’s with themselves. Let’s all give ourselves a break, we’re doing our best, let’s do our best together.
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